Taker: Steve Austin and Bradshaw Called; They Want Their Gimmicks Back

Well, I thought it time for another one of those rants on the Undertaker character since the last one was almost a year ago.And in one of my rants down the line I said I would try to stop bitching about the character direction but unfortunately, I've kept my yap closed enough already so get ready for a bitchfest, kiddies.

I'm going to just start out by summing up how I feel about BikerTruckerRedneckTaker incarnation: they're beating the fucking gimmick like a dead horse. Yes, you read that right; I feel this fucking thing has been stretched as far as it can go and there isn't much more, if anything to give. In my third installment of this critique of Undertaker (done about Oct-Nov 2000), I said hold on for the ride and see where it goes. Well, since I've been on that ride I would like to say you can stop the fucking car now because the ride's making me nauseated. And I'm going to go into total Undertaker Weenie mode and say this: he needs the Darkside back.

Yes, I said that word- the Darkside, of which the asshole needs to return. Reason being I'm tired of Mr. Raging Redneck. He went from a mild version of redneck-dom, which was tolerable, and went to full-blown redneck mode, which has me rolling my eyes at him every week. It's tired, plain and simple and if I want to see it in the WWF, Steve Austin and Bradshaw fit the bill quite nicely. He's become so generic, something the man has never been in his WWF career. He comes out, rubs his nose, makes a couple faces, bitches about respect or something (earning him a new nickname from me: the Big Dead Bitch), throws in a few quotes snitched from movies, and walks out. He's become so plain and just blends in with the crowd without any of the signature Undertaker characteristics.

I'm also not the only one who feels like this; it's a prevalent bitch of many 'net fans because Mark Calaway sure ain't as interesting as the Undertaker. I also think that Calaway knows about the criticism being thrown his way, especially from 'net fans. But due to male stubbornness and pride, I think he continues to stick with this shit because to change would be an admittance that maybe it wasn't the best idea, after all. And I also wonder how he takes all of this because for so many years, no one had a critical thing to say about him but now it's day in, day out.

Calaway's been preaching for a couple years now that this Undertaker is what the fans wanted to see. They wanted to know what he's like outside of the ring and that's what he's giving them. I do admit, a long time ago, that I was kind of interested in what he was like off-camera: with that much mystery swirling around him, it's understandable. However, I really regret even thinking about that because I sure sure didn't care to see this much. Hell, he's no different than the redneck boys here and since I can see that same behavior at any time, it's no big whoop. And even though we've probably seen the tip of the iceberg, it's already been too much for me to stomach, along with the retarded behavior that came along for the ride.

Personally, I do think it's cool that Calaway is a flaming redneck; however, I seriously doubt a dark dude like the Undertaker would be. And I know Calaway has injected a lot of himself into Undertaker and has made the character his own but I do wish he would have given himself some boundaries regarding character development. People tune in to see the UNDERTAKER, not Mark Calaway. And what they're getting now is Calaway and the Undertaker is there in name only. As a fan, it just doesn't sit well with me to see it happen. A few old moves like the chokeslam, flying clothesline, and top rope walk aren't enough to placate me. And for the asses who say, "callway is the undrtaker stoopid," I would like to mention that there are still two things going on there, even if the line is blurred. Even he has mentioned The Undertaker as being a character.

And the man has also argued that with the reality-driven WWF, this Undertaker was needed to fit in. Oh yes, characters like Goldust, Hurricane, Hulk Hogan, Rock, and Kane are deep-seated in reality. *rolling eyes* To me, that shit argument doesn't fly anymore. Now go back to the original incarnation or the era where they swore he was a real dead man and fans would say, "oh stop fucking with us." But an Undertaker that still had the Darkside peeking out sure wouldn't be out of place and a welcomed entity.

Some would say you can't go back to the Darkside, but I think it's possible. Now I give you my little idea as to how it can be done and if any WWF Weenies are out there reading, you have my permission to snitch the idea and give it to your boss because Lord knows desperate times call for desperate measures. *g*

Anyway, to wrap up this rantfest, here it is:

At the present, Undie is a Big Dead Bitch, whining about lack of respect, Vince not drafting him, being yanked from main events, hurting little toe, selling for Hogan, yada, yada, yada. I say book him to pull another one of those "I'm not taking this shit" deals like in '99. After all, with the former, he has some good reasons.

So say Flair or one of the other guys who gets under his skin says or does something to him, like an insulting promo, match interference, or beat down. Then Taker, highly pissed and finally having his fill of the bullshit, walks out, the beginning of a few months off. Then bring him back with the UT incarnation most really dug right after his return- a dark biker who didn't take shit, kicked ass, and was so focused on that ideal he checked the major dramatics at the door. Explain the absence in that he needed time off to find himself again, find the darkness in him again that reigned supreme over the WWF, that darkness that put fear into men and earned him their respect.

I don't need him burning effigies of Kane or jumping out of caskets anymore but he can keep one of those fantastic entrances and some pyro wouldn't hurt. Possibly some of those Booker T-type flames to symbolize him riding out of hell. And definitely some new music- maybe something more metal than poseur.

There you go- that wouldn't be so hard, would it?

 

 

 

 

Date Written: (4-28-02)